Smut

By Tom Lehrer

Spoken:   Obscenity.  I'm for it.  Unfortunately, the
civil liberties types who are fighting this issue, have
to fight it owing to the nature of the law, as an issue
of free speech.  But we know what's really at stake here,
dirty books are fun.  I guess you can't get up in a court
and say that, though.  It's simply a matter of freedom of
pleasure, a right not guaranteed by the Constitution,
unfortunately.  Since everyone is marching for their causes
these days, I've written a march for mine.  It's called smut.

Sung:

Smut, give me smut and nothing but
A dirty novel I can't shut its uncut
And unsubt--le

I've never quibbled, if it was ribald
I would devour, where others merely nibbled
As the judge remarked the day he acquitted my Aunt Hortense
To be smut it must be ut--terly without redeeming social
    importance

Pornographic pictures I adore
Indecent magazines galore
I like them more if they're hard core

Bring on the obscene movies, murals, postcards, neckties,
    samplers, stained glass windows, tattoos, anything!!!
More, more, I'm still not satisfied
Stories of tortures used by debauchers, lurid, licentious,
    and vile
Make me smile
Novels that pander to my taste for candor, give me a
    pleasure sublime
Let's face it I love slime

Old books can be indecent books, though recent books
    are bolder
For filth I'm proud to say is in the mind of the beholder
When correctly viewed, everything is lewd
I could tell you things about Peter Pan, or the Wizard of Oz
There's a dirty old man

I thrill to any book like Fanny Hill
And I suppose I always will, if it is swill
And really fil--thy

Who needs a hobby, like tennis or philately
I've got a hobby, rereading Lady Chatterly
And now they're trying to take it all away
Unless we take a stand and hand in hand we fight for
    freedom of the press
In other words, smut

Ah the adventures of a slut
I'm a market they can't glut
I don't know what compares with smut
Let's hear it for the Supreme Court
Don't let them take it away!