Mississippi Squirrel Revival

By Ray Stevens

When I was a kid I'd take a trip
Every summer, down to Mississip
To visit my granny and her antebellum world

I'd run barefooted all day long, climbin' trees, 
	as free as a song
Till one day I happened to catch myself a squirrel
Well, I stuffed him down in an old shoebox
Punched a couple holes in the top
When Sunday came I snuck him into church

I was sittin' way back in the very last pew
Showin' him to my good buddy Hugh
When that squirrel got loose and went totally berserk

What happened next is hard to tell
Some thought it was heaven, some thought it was hell
But the fact that something was among us was plain to see
As the choir sang "I Surrender All", The squirrel ran up 
	Harv Newman's coveralls
Harv leaped to his feet and said "Somethin's got a hold 
	on me!"

The day the squirrel went berserk
In the first self-righteous church
In that sleepy little town of Pascagoola
It was a fight for survival
That broke out in revival
They were jumpin pews and shoutin' Hallelujah

Well Harv hit the aisles dancin' and a screamin'
Some thought he had religiion, others thought he had 
	a demon
Harv thought he had a weed eater stuck in his 
	Fruit of the Looms
He fell to his knees to plead and beg
The squirrel ran out of his britches leg
Unobserved to the other side of the room

All the way down to the amen pew
Where sat Sister Bertha Better Than You
Who'd been watching all the commotion with sadistic glee
But you shoulda seen the look in her eyes
When that squirrel jumped her garters and crossed her thighs
She jumped to feet and said "Lord, Have mercy on me!"

As the squirrel made laps inside her dress
She began to cry, and then to confess
Of sins that would make a sailor blush with shame
She told of gossip and of church dissention
But the thing that got the most attention
Was when she started talkin' bout her love life
Then she started namin' names


Well, seven deacons and the pastor got saved
Twenty five thousand dollars got raised
Fifty volunteered for missions in the Congo on the spot
And even without an invitation, there were at least 
	five hundered rededications
And we all got rebaptized whether we needed it or not

You've heard the Bible story I guess
How he parted the waters for Moses to pass
Oh, the miracles God has wrought in this old world
But the one I'll remember to my dyin' day
Is how he put that church back on the narrow way
With a half crazed Mississippi squirrel


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